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March

BeitragVerfasst: Fr 19 Feb, 2010 18:27
von Ruelfig
I deal in harsh words, raw and mean
that do not aim to please.
I talk of landscapes yet unseen,

where nothing's king, corruption queen,
and rotten is the golden fleece.
I deal in raw words, harsh and mean.

I'll feed your dreams to the machine
that no one can appease.
I talk of landscapes yet unseen,

where nothing lives, has never been
a state of freedom nor of peace.
I deal in harsh words, raw and mean.

No hidden messages between
the endless lines that never cease
to talk of landscapes yet unseen.

A story made of bones picked clean,
a tale of no release.
I deal in raw words, harsh and mean,
I talk of landscapes best unseen.

Re: March

BeitragVerfasst: Sa 20 Feb, 2010 14:34
von Anna Lyse
Hi Ruelfig,

thats very nice to read. It has an easy groove and I like the fact that it rhymes consistently all the way through!
Somehow it seems to be a songtext in my eyes, most of all because of the repetition of "I talk of landscapes yet unseen," and "I deal in harsh words, raw and mean." Repeating those lines fits in excellent and I could hear an imaginary voice in my head singing. The lines at the end,
"I deal in raw words, harsh and mean,
I talk of landscapes best unseen."
are for my taste, the best of the piece. A nice twist of the lines before, giving it the kick at the end.

The titel is neat, 'cause I was able to read it like a march of people, soldiers... or think of it like a description of the month March. Either way fits good.

Sorry if this might have bored you :D but I didn`t find anything to nitpick about...

Greetings,
Isa

Re: March

BeitragVerfasst: Mo 22 Feb, 2010 20:22
von Ruelfig
Isa, hi,
thanks for replying. The inspiration for writing this Villanelle was your using a part of "Don't go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas as signature some time ago. To me, this poem is THE Villanelle ever and a challenge as such.
I thought of the title as an imperative: March!
Best regards,
R

Re: March

BeitragVerfasst: Mo 22 Feb, 2010 20:59
von Anna Lyse
oh yes well. someone whispered in my ear the sentence "that is by the way a villanelle" :D I had noticed that the language and the flow was pretty much close to the piece of "do not go gentle into that good night", but I hadn`t given the writing a name.

greetings,
isa

Re: March

BeitragVerfasst: So 18 Apr, 2010 22:40
von Struppigel
-Als Gedicht des Monats Februar10 hierher verschoben-

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