von Anna Lyse » Fr 03 Sep, 2010 15:29
Hey Ruelfig,
Nice to read a englisch piece of you. Even though I misslike the titel, cause you have used it in a previous poem of yours but oh well, I`ll get to that later.
You seem to use a lot of words like: bright, white, fight, east, west, beast. The wohle poem seems to have a small political statement hidden or am I reading things that aren`t there? Just by picking words like east and west, it somehow leads me to a foreign place or maybe not even that foreign cause I just might as well stay here in Germany, east and west have a significant history here too!
So you let the reader make up his own story, or maybe just give a few ideas at how to look at everything.
Even though this poem is a little transport of hope it reads somewhat bitter. Like a goodtasting meal with a bitter aftertaste. At least that`s how I am reading it. For traveling to the west or maybe just dreaming of a west state of mind, with bright white summers and sparkling hopes, as if this may be the wish of everyone but in real it`s a meaningless illusion. Somthing will geht lost along the way that`s the way a jouney goes.
I think some of the lines you wrote are so simpel yet it is the combination of simpel words and somehow repetitive last lines of every stanza great!
Although I would have never wrote "brighter bright", it reminds me of a laundry-detergent commercial but oh well, all in all reads nice.
One more thing to the title, sorry but I have to :D
Why did you choose to use the word "march" again? I don`t think it`s a very wise decision to let the reader compare two very different poems. Even if I don`t deliberately compare, unconciously I draw comparisons to a very different text of yours.
Did you do that on purpose?
I liked reading it.
Greetings,
Isa
.