Fremdsprachige Gedichte

A different march

Beitragvon Ruelfig » Sa 28 Aug, 2010 01:20


Now that we pooled our tears and nearly drowned,
let's move on forward to the west. We birds, unfeathered,
flee the nest and: forward ever, never rest.
A darker winter is in sight
but we will find a brighter bright,
a blinding dark, a shady white,
so let's keep flying through the night.

Now that the journey seems to end, it only has begun,
the roads unroll beneath our feet, we only need to
carry on as one determined to succeed.
A brighter summer is in sight
and black will be the shortest night,
a shady gray, a blinding white
and enemies galore to fight.

Now that we've shed our fears and kindly frowned
upon the rest, who thought it best to stay behind
we find it hard to think we might get lost.
A bitter frost is rising from the east
and never satisfied the beast
whose only purpose is to feast
on those, who are defended least.
Endlich Nichtdichter
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Re: A different march

Beitragvon Anna Lyse » Fr 03 Sep, 2010 14:29


Hey Ruelfig,

Nice to read a englisch piece of you. Even though I misslike the titel, cause you have used it in a previous poem of yours but oh well, I`ll get to that later.
You seem to use a lot of words like: bright, white, fight, east, west, beast. The wohle poem seems to have a small political statement hidden or am I reading things that aren`t there? Just by picking words like east and west, it somehow leads me to a foreign place or maybe not even that foreign cause I just might as well stay here in Germany, east and west have a significant history here too!
So you let the reader make up his own story, or maybe just give a few ideas at how to look at everything.

Even though this poem is a little transport of hope it reads somewhat bitter. Like a goodtasting meal with a bitter aftertaste. At least that`s how I am reading it. For traveling to the west or maybe just dreaming of a west state of mind, with bright white summers and sparkling hopes, as if this may be the wish of everyone but in real it`s a meaningless illusion. Somthing will geht lost along the way that`s the way a jouney goes.
I think some of the lines you wrote are so simpel yet it is the combination of simpel words and somehow repetitive last lines of every stanza great!
Although I would have never wrote "brighter bright", it reminds me of a laundry-detergent commercial but oh well, all in all reads nice.

One more thing to the title, sorry but I have to :D
Why did you choose to use the word "march" again? I don`t think it`s a very wise decision to let the reader compare two very different poems. Even if I don`t deliberately compare, unconciously I draw comparisons to a very different text of yours.
Did you do that on purpose?

I liked reading it.

Greetings,
Isa
.
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Re: A different march

Beitragvon Ruelfig » Mo 06 Sep, 2010 20:01


Hi Isa,
thanks a lot for your thoughts, I am glad that my peace can evoke a feeling of ambiguity, simple things like looking forward to changes and being afraid of them, supporting independence and having egotistical second thoughts about bowing to freedom. And you are right, brighter bright is a bit daring, but I liked the sound of it. Do you think it to be involuntarily comical?
As for the title, this time I thought of a march with no drums rolling, no military connotations, more like geese leaving in formation, a silent march of wings unheard, of animals migrating on unheard hooves, of children leaving their nests. May be "A different shuffle"? I thought of this as rather a song than a poem, originally, but could not find more lines.
Best regards,
Ruelfig
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