Fremdsprachige Gedichte

unconditional

Beitragvon sariii » Mi 14 Jan, 2009 18:02


kiss you, squeeze you, hold you tight
the light you're bringing
shines so bright

the smile you put onto my face
your twinkling eyes
your warm embrace

kid I love you and you know
I'll be with you
wherever you go
sariii
Neu
Neu
 
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: Mi 14 Jan, 2009 17:55
Eigene Werke
 

Re: unconditional

Beitragvon Friederich » So 18 Jan, 2009 17:17


Hello sariii,

even if it's probably not a masterpiece of compacted writing or of elaborated use of metaphors, it's a convincing little love-poem. You may ask why it convinces me if I begin to critisize it by underlining that it isn't a masterpiece for me. Well, it's just the nearly perfect rhythm of the verses that convey a nice feeling of harmony. Underlining by means of it's form what the author of it tries to express - this is not at last what a good poem should do. Last but not least I don't like the word "wherever" - as you can probablöy guess - because it does not fit into the rhythm.

Best wishes,

Friederich
L'avenir, on ne l'attend pas comme on attend le train. L'avenir, on le fait. (Georges Bernano)

Friederich
Friederich
Stammuser
Stammuser
 
Beiträge: 508
Registriert: Sa 13 Sep, 2008 20:33
Eigene Werke
 

Zurück zu Lyrik

Wer ist online?

Mitglieder in diesem Forum: 0 Mitglieder und 0 Gäste

cron
Fatal: Not able to open ./cache/data_global.php