Fremdsprachige Gedichte


Beitragvon sariii » Mi 14 Jan, 2009 19:02

kiss you, squeeze you, hold you tight
the light you're bringing
shines so bright

the smile you put onto my face
your twinkling eyes
your warm embrace

kid I love you and you know
I'll be with you
wherever you go
Beiträge: 3
Registriert: Mi 14 Jan, 2009 18:55
Eigene Werke

Re: unconditional

Beitragvon Friederich » So 18 Jan, 2009 18:17

Hello sariii,

even if it's probably not a masterpiece of compacted writing or of elaborated use of metaphors, it's a convincing little love-poem. You may ask why it convinces me if I begin to critisize it by underlining that it isn't a masterpiece for me. Well, it's just the nearly perfect rhythm of the verses that convey a nice feeling of harmony. Underlining by means of it's form what the author of it tries to express - this is not at last what a good poem should do. Last but not least I don't like the word "wherever" - as you can probablöy guess - because it does not fit into the rhythm.

Best wishes,

L'avenir, on ne l'attend pas comme on attend le train. L'avenir, on le fait. (Georges Bernano)

Beiträge: 508
Registriert: Sa 13 Sep, 2008 21:33
Eigene Werke

Zurück zu Lyrik

Wer ist online?

Mitglieder in diesem Forum: 0 Mitglieder und 1 Gast